Wednesday, May 30, 2007
What an adorable little newborn baby! = Holy shit, your kid is ugly!
I don't remember what life was like before the baby. = I used to have no life.
That's so great your child loves Chicken McNuggets. = Why don't you just feed your kid out of the dumpster?
Maybe we'll do a playdate next weekend? = Dude, can you please watch my kid next Saturday so I can get some free time to myself? I'm begging you!
We're so tired by the end of the day. = We haven't had sex in ages!
She has your ears. = Man, that kid looks NOTHING like you. Are you sure you're really the father? I think you seriously need to consider taking a paternity test.
We're not sure when we're having another one. = We're not sure we even WANT another kid. The one we have right now is totally kicking our asses! How the hell do people have more than one kid?
Wow, it looks like they're really hitting it off. = Crap, our kids seem to really like each other. Does this mean that you and I will have to spend time together? I sure hope not.
He sure does have a lot of energy! = Your kid is a hyperactive monster! He must drive you completely insane. I pity you.
Your outfit looks so comfortable. = Grungy sweatpants, a food-stained t-shirt, ponytail in a baseball cap? You look like shit, woman! Have you completely given up on personal hygiene already?
It must be so great having a nanny to help out. = How come you have a nanny when you don't even work?
It's nice that he has such a good appetite. = Your kid is a gluttonous slob who eats like a trucker. Never in my entire life have I ever seen anyone inhale a pizza so quickly. No wonder he looks like a sumo wrestler!
We missed the pitter patter of little feet. = The damn vasectomy didn't work!
Parenting was so much different when I was your age. = We didn't complain like you do. Stop whining. I worked 2 jobs, had 4 kids, and never had anyone to help me out. EVER!
That's such a cute age. = I remember when my kids used to like me. Wait until they get older and hate your guts.
Looks like you could fit a whole soccer team in that car! = Since you have a minivan, can you drive my kids to the soccer game next week?
The school wasn't really a good fit for her. = She got kicked out.
Your daughter looks like a little China doll. = Your daughter is Asian.
I love your daughter's curly locks. = Your daughter is Black.
Your daughter has such a beautiful skintone. = Your daughter is Latino.
She's so exotic looking. = Your daughter is mixed-race.
North America and South America were pretty easy with the Sunset and cooking magazines we had around the house. Here is his first assignment of North America.
You can kind of see in the bottom right corner that he wrote "Lucas". He also usually embellishes it with stamps or stickers.
We missed Asia since he was sick that week. Europe was a piece of cake. Africa proved to be challenging. We bought $10 of magazines at the bookstore to do the assignment.
I asked him what he was going to say in the presentation. He pointed to the pictures and said, "This is an African beach. These are two camels walking through the desert in Africa. This is an African lady working in the fields."
Whatever they talk about in school is sinking in on some level with Lucas. How do I know?
1) I was telling Lucas a story on the way to school yesterday, which included the "highest moutain ever, a million miles tall". He surprised me by asking, "Is it taller than Mount Fuji?". He informed me that Mt. Fuji was a beautiful mountain in Japan and his teacher Nobu showed them pictures in class.
2) On the way home from school yesterday, Lucas asked for a scary story. I made one up about witches coming to Radiator Springs and how the cars had to load up the witches on boats to get them to Antartica to break the spell.
Lucas stopped me and said, "They don't even need to get in a boat Mommy. You know that North America and South America are connected? And then, South America and Antarctica are so close that they can swim." Okay, so maybe you can't swim from one to the other, but I thought it was pretty darn close for a boy of his age. I asked him, "How close is South America to Antarctica?" Lucas said, "I don't really know, but they're very close. I guess I can explain it to you with the globe at home, okay mommy? Can you wait until then?"
3) Last night as Lucas was falling asleep he was singing a song to himself. Something like this, "North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa and don't forget Australia, and don't forget Antarctica, and don't forget Chile" (his other teacher is from Chile).
It's nice to know that he's learning that the world extends beyond our confines of the East Bay.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Having a kid is another reminder of how old I really am. I can't chase him around on my hands and knees on the hardwood floor and it's hard to keep up with him on the playground. Then the other day Lucas said to me, "Mommy I'm pretty good at soccer. I think I was probably better than you were even before you got old." Ouch! Way to pour salt on the wound.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
We haven't been pushing the wiping issue, in fact, I have never once asked him to wipe and he hasn't asked either. So we are pretty much at the beck and call of our reigning king, with commands like "Will somebody wipe me?!", or "Wipe my butt!", or most frequently, "I'm all done!"
Tonight Kevin used the same, shall we say, low-maintenance parenting style, that he used with pooping in the toilet, with wiping.
Basically Lucas called out, "I'm all done", but when Kevin checked, he wasn't all done. So Kevin left the bathroom. When Lucas called out "I'm all done again," Kevin waited a couple minutes. Then Lucas said, "I wiped my own bottom."
Kevin went to do an inspection and one more wipe, "for extra measure". And indeed, Lucas did a clean wipe, without even getting any on his hands.
If you still haven't had enough on this topic, read below.
Lately I've been wondering about the whole wiping thing and when kids can do it on their own. For a few laughs, here are some comments and bits of advice from Berkeley Parents Network.
The advice and comments are very explicit, and also, just like poop and little kids, all over the place:
- The 9-Step process, beginning with, "First: lean forward with your feet touching the floor. Don't lean back - it smushes all over the bum and makes a big mess," and including, "Make a ''pad'' - you really have to show them how to wad or fold or however you do it. He was making a hard little ball of toilet paper so I had to show him how to make it into a loose pad."
- I'd say he wipes himself about 80% of the time. I don't insist on that other 20%, and figure that by the time he's six he'll be doing it all by himself.
- I once talked with a mother of four about this, and she said she thinks that kids aren't really good at it until they are about nine. (Maybe she was exagerating?)
- My son will be able to change his poo-ing times to make sure he goes at home (not at school) and yours may too. So, it might not be a worry
- Encourage the child to wipe themselves and let them know that you will check them and do any final bits that need doing. Gradually, you'll find that you need to do less and less ''clean up''. I assume your child is in school. Ask the teacher how she copes when away from her ''personal groomer'' - you!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
How do I know? Here are a couple proof points:
1) He still eats, by the spoonful, these little dried anchovies, which my mom buys for him at the Korean grocery store.2) Lucas loves all other Korean food too. He will even drink the watery remains left at the bottom of a bowl of kimchi.
3) Lucas came out to the backyard today like this. Need I say more?
Well, I walked into the store, and it was like we knew each other immediately. I could tell, "Wow, we're going to be best friends." So I plopped down my debit card and we walked out of the store together.
My new friend is so intuitive, he knows what I want to do and what my limitations are. Like he automatically knew that I don't like to read manuals, and guess what, there's not really a manual here, just a friendly little quick start guide. It's so refreshing not to have to wade through pages and pages to find out how to turn the thing on/off.
And my new best friend plays well with my other good friend, my computer. There were no awkward introductions, trying to find ways for them to get along. They got along famously and I didn't have to intervene to try and make conversation, like "Well, you both like people with brown eyes (me), don't you?".
I am so excited about my new best friend. I can't wait to take him in the car and we can really go. I'm so excited to get rid of the last of my CDs.
Life is so good with my new best friend.
BTW, I'm not a total newbie to digital music. I've had iTunes on my computer for a while, and actually had an old MP3 player back in the late 90s that looked something like this.Talk about unfriendly! We weren't compatible at all. We never understood eachother. I think he ended up at my friend's garage sale. He was a dick!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I've had a lot of jobs. Why have I switched so much? I guess there are a couple reasons: I get bored easily and I'm somewhat of an opportunist when it comes to work.
It started when I was at an ad agency, I'd been there for two years. Then one of my former clients called me and asked me to work as her assistant brand manager at an educational software company, I wasn't sure if I should take it. I felt I should be loyal to the ad agency.
Then my former boss gave me some advice, "This is a great opportunity. You need to look out for yourself, because you're the only one really looking out for your best interests." So I left the world of advertising and started in on my marketing career. Thanks Elizabeth!
Oh, the places I've been! Here''s a quick rundown post-college:
Dean Witter (now Morgan Stanley)
DMB&B Advertising (now defunct)
Team in Training
Providian (now part of Washington Mutual)
eSCORE.com (now just the SCORE centers)
The Learning Company (now part of Riverdeep)
Riverdeep (formerly The Learning Company)
Kodak Gallery (formerly Ofoto)
See Jane Run
What am I doing now? Well, I'll spend more time volunteering with Potentia Foundation and also working for a new start-up, which so far, is still top-secret. But soon...
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
I spent most of the time weeding. Something I just started to enjoy, I guess since our yard has been redone and the amount of weeds is not so overwhelming.
Anyway, Lucas was out there helping me. First we had to hammer some of these stakes in the ground, to keep the watering hoses in the ground. Lucas insisted on hammering. He kept saying, "I'm your hammer helper. Don't worry if you have any hammer work, just ask me, I'm you're hammer helper." I couldn't help but think of Hamburger Helper, but that's besides the point.
After we completed our hammering project, he helped me with the weeding and also pruning back our prolific potato vine.
Lucas would ask me frequently to come and inspect his handiwork, to show me how much he had cut from the potato vine, or how well he swept the deck. I would nod in approval and say, "Wow, it looks so clean now!" He would say, "I'm a good cleaner." I'd tell him thanks for helping and he would say, "Yep, I'm a good helper, look at how clean everything looks."
Then Lucas said something that will make my mom's heart sink, "I don't want to be a doctor any more, I want to be a house helper."
Me: What's a house helper? You mean someone who cleans other people's houses?
Lucas: No, just your house. When I get to be a big grown up, you can call me if you need help cleaning your house, or hammering.
Me: That would be nice. But you could be a doctor too and then just help me out when you have time.
Lucas: No, I'll just be a house helper.
Here are some recent case studies, done independently of course, on new packaging I've encountered.
Case study #1: Wateroos
I just discovered these the other day at Monterey Market. I think they are the best thing since sliced bread and then some. I bought them because Lucas has been at home with a fever and I was trying to find something that he would drink that wasn't too acidic (he also has canker sores).
I thought it was apple juice, but on closer inspection saw that it's apple flavored water, which to him, passes as apple juice. So you get the same response as you would if you busted out some apple juice (which is rare in our house), but without the guilt of all that sugar.
Since Lucas revealed himself to be such a juice monger at birthday parties, I always started to wonder why companies didn't package water in more kid-appealing ways. Now I'll have to think of something else to make my millions.
Though the packaging achieves the goal of making a kid (or 36-year old marketing gal) think this is apple juice, I think the packaging could use a little work. I mean, what the heck is so appealing about this creepy turtle with oversized eyes (the "oo" in Wateroo), hovering over the barrel of apples? And don't they know they're competing with Scooby-Doo, Transformers and the X-Men?
Case study #2: See photo below. What do you think came in this package: The fancy folding box, the foot owner's manual, personalized letter and marketing collateral? (Photo doesn't even show the package it was mailed in.)
(You may be wondering, "Is this another plug for donations to Sunny's 3-day walk to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation?" No, but I'll take the donations.
I received an email from the good folks at 3-Day that Thorlo was offering a free pair of socks to all Komen walkers. I signed up and about a week later got a rather large cardboard box from Thorlo.
Monday, May 07, 2007
- Holding Lucas for the first time
- Watching him eat his first peach and loving it right away
- Watching him ride a bike for the first time
- Listening to him tell me a story he made up
- Hearing his friends at school say excitedly, "It's Lucas!", when he walks in the door
Then there are the "other" moments:
- Giving Lucas his first bath at 3 weeks old, without Kevin there. Realizing he had pooped in the baby bathtub and realizing that I was the one who had to deal with it.
- Calling 911 when Lucas had a fever, only to be asked in the living room by the 3 paramedics if we had given him Tylenol to lower his temperature. ("Uh no, we didn't do that. Sorry guys, guess you can go home now.")
- A solid hour of resisting everything as I try to get him out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed, fed and out the door for school.
Yep, we had one of those "other" moments on Saturday.
We were on a playdate with Lindsey and Miles. We had met them at their house and scootered to downtown Berkeley for some ice cream.
The way there and eating the ice cream went fine, of course. But the way home we ran into some issues. Suffice it to say, I carried and dragged Lucas (kicking, crying and screaming the whole way) with one arm, and a scooter in the other, for about a mile.
By the time we got back to our house, I was in tears too.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I said, "Thank you for playing birds with me. And thanks for being such a wonderful son. Daddy and I were so proud to talk with your teacher about you." This made him smile.
Then on Tuesday night, he said "prayer" again. Then he added, "Thank you for saying 'thank you' when I helped you put away the dishes."
What a sweetie!